Latest Read: Fifty Shades of Grey

Here are the basics ...
Book: Fifty Shades of Grey (Book #1)
Author: E. L. James
Site: http://www.eljamesauthor.com/
Category: Fiction 




My thoughts...
Let me preface this review by saying that I've never read a book like this before.  But it's on the top of all these charts on B&N, Amazon, GoodReads - it's everywhere! So I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.  Also, I didn't know this book was originally Bella and Edward (Twilight) fanfiction when I started reading (which definitely explained why my annoyance with these characters felt somewhat familiar).

Summary:  When Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey, he is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. Ana is startled to realize she wants him and Christian, unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms.  Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates.  Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desires. (Summarized from Amazon.com)

The good:  There is no good here.  Except how much I get to hate on this book (and because I get to read hilarious reviews like this and know exactly how they feel).  I consider myself to be a pretty fair reviewer so it's rare that I get to flat out rant about how terrible a book is.  I'm relishing the moment!  I will admit that I did my best to keep an open mind and tried to remain optimistic throughout the first ten chapters.  Then it all went downhill from there. 

The bad: WHERE TO START.  How about the stereotypes in this book.  Ana, for instance.  Of course she sees herself as this mousy unattractive brunette (God forbid a blonde sees herself as mousy) who's actually extremely attractive but she's suffering from Bella Swan syndrome of low self-esteem.  Kate, her beautiful blonde and confident best friend (to her credit, she's not a b*tch).  And Christian, the gorgeous (the author dedicated a third of the book to his good looks and the way his pants hang off his hips), rich, slightly older, business man / alpha male with stalker tendencies and a S&M fetish.

The plot is just ridiculous.  At first I thought, we (the reader) are obviously supposed to see ourselves in Ana and maybe if some really hot guy only had eyes for me, I might get a little lost in that feeling.  But you know what - the minute the guy tells me that I have to sign a contract (filled with details about how often to sleep, what to wear, when to eat, how many times a week to exercise, etc) before getting into bed with him and shows me his playroom which Ana describes as looking like right out of the Spanish Inquisition - I'm pretty sure I'd go running for the hills.  Just saying.  All the S&M scenes were just so.. sad!  Ana is basically letting herself be whipped and slapped for HIS benefit (while hoping he'll change) and after the "amazing" sex, she ends up crawling into bed fetal position, crying her eyes out.  To me it seemed like she was suffering from multiple personalities, especially since she kept having conversations with her "inner goddess" (whatever the heck that means).  Which brings me to my last (although I could keep going on) point -- where was this author's editor?! If she even had one, she should be fired.  The dialogue was so repetitive.  She used the certain phrases and descriptions over and over and over AND over again.  Her favorite ones: "Laters baby", "Oh baby/Ana/Christian!", s/he whispered/gasped (who whispers and gasps that often!), holy cow, what are you doing to me, you've beguiled me.  I couldn't help but laugh or roll my eyes half the time (which according to Christian's logic in this book, deserves a slap).  The entire book was one big WTF.

Do I recommend?: NO, I can't say that I do.  But I am going to keep reading and finish the entire series.  Why?  Because I want to know how their story ends, how the author manages to drag on this nonsense for two more books AND because I keep waiting to see why women love this series.  I have a feeling I might never figure that one out. 

Happy reading! 

[4/8/12 UPDATE :: I finished the series! The dialogue got progressively worse, Ana got more annoying, Christian got more controlling.  The whole thing was totally ridiculous.  Do not read this series - I repeat, DO NOT READ.]